How many of us as twentysomethings get touched?
This may sound bizarre, but really, how often do we experience another person making contact with us? What kind of context do we find this touch happening in? Is it on a busy subway or bus, in the line at the grocery store, or just a crowded hallway? Or are a few of us lucky enough to get a comforting hug when we really need it; or a chance to snuggle up with your significant other or best friend?
Touch has always been a concept I've been fascinated by. In my younger years (pre-college) I was very anti-touch. I would cuddle with my mom, my dad's dog, but I hated other people being in my space or messing with my hair. Looking back, I only say to myself "No wonder you were always so cranky." As I've grown older I've found myself around people who are more comfortable with smaller areas of personal space, and these people brought me out of the proverbial closet and made me realize how important touch really is. I'm now the exact opposite of how I was in my teenage years when it comes to physical contact: The more, the better! Lay on someone's lap, hope to god they play with my hair and the like. Friends and family alike, we need not be romantically involved, nor do I see actions like these as sexual in nature.
It reminds me a lot of the studies a psychologist did on monkeys. This guy, Harry Harlow, conducted experiments with baby monkeys and surrogate mothers made from fuzzy materials and wire frames. He theorized the importance of touch in the early stages of development when a child is physically active in the world, but I am of the opinion that the first six months are not the only time we need touch. Many are already of the opinion that solitary confinement in prisons is a form of torture and part of that is due to the lack of touch.
But how does solitary confinement relate to a struggling twentysomething? It seems a bit extreme, I know, but stick with me here.
As tweenagers, many of us are trying to stand on our own and wiggle our way into our niche in the world. We are all struggling to find the same answers: Who are we? What do we want out of life? Like prisoners in our own personal cells, we are trying to struggle to reach the goal of freedom and independence, day-to-day, hoping the next day won't be like the last. We confine ourselves in an attempt to make the world seem less stressful.
I am of the opinion that life would be a lot less stressful if we gave more hugs. I shit you not, more hugs, more contact. We don't stop growing emotionally, so why should we stop touching just because we're older? A situation is only awkward if we make it that way, so why not skip buying that dog to make you feel better and go give your neighbor a hug? Sure, go ahead and get a pet; they're wonderful. I'm not saying pets are bad, just that maybe there's a cheaper way to make you feel better. Hell, if you're really ambitious, throw a cuddle party. Who knows? If we start somewhere maybe the stress of the tweenager won't be so bad in ten, fifteen years. Sure, a lot of our stress is related to the economy, but we can raise the next generation with the tools necessary to handle these situations.
And damn it all, I think not being afraid to snuggle up to your friends (male, female, in-between or none, gay, straight, what-have-you) regardless of closeness is probably one of the best things we could do.
And don't worry we won't be making "sissies" out of our kids.
Everyone should know how to fight and take a hit (even girls). But that comes later. Much later.
Next week, I talk about the 100 Push Ups Challenge! My successes, my failures, and how I'm proud that I'm even still talking about it instead of dropping the challenge all together.
This may sound bizarre, but really, how often do we experience another person making contact with us? What kind of context do we find this touch happening in? Is it on a busy subway or bus, in the line at the grocery store, or just a crowded hallway? Or are a few of us lucky enough to get a comforting hug when we really need it; or a chance to snuggle up with your significant other or best friend?
Touch has always been a concept I've been fascinated by. In my younger years (pre-college) I was very anti-touch. I would cuddle with my mom, my dad's dog, but I hated other people being in my space or messing with my hair. Looking back, I only say to myself "No wonder you were always so cranky." As I've grown older I've found myself around people who are more comfortable with smaller areas of personal space, and these people brought me out of the proverbial closet and made me realize how important touch really is. I'm now the exact opposite of how I was in my teenage years when it comes to physical contact: The more, the better! Lay on someone's lap, hope to god they play with my hair and the like. Friends and family alike, we need not be romantically involved, nor do I see actions like these as sexual in nature.
It reminds me a lot of the studies a psychologist did on monkeys. This guy, Harry Harlow, conducted experiments with baby monkeys and surrogate mothers made from fuzzy materials and wire frames. He theorized the importance of touch in the early stages of development when a child is physically active in the world, but I am of the opinion that the first six months are not the only time we need touch. Many are already of the opinion that solitary confinement in prisons is a form of torture and part of that is due to the lack of touch.
But how does solitary confinement relate to a struggling twentysomething? It seems a bit extreme, I know, but stick with me here.
As tweenagers, many of us are trying to stand on our own and wiggle our way into our niche in the world. We are all struggling to find the same answers: Who are we? What do we want out of life? Like prisoners in our own personal cells, we are trying to struggle to reach the goal of freedom and independence, day-to-day, hoping the next day won't be like the last. We confine ourselves in an attempt to make the world seem less stressful.
I am of the opinion that life would be a lot less stressful if we gave more hugs. I shit you not, more hugs, more contact. We don't stop growing emotionally, so why should we stop touching just because we're older? A situation is only awkward if we make it that way, so why not skip buying that dog to make you feel better and go give your neighbor a hug? Sure, go ahead and get a pet; they're wonderful. I'm not saying pets are bad, just that maybe there's a cheaper way to make you feel better. Hell, if you're really ambitious, throw a cuddle party. Who knows? If we start somewhere maybe the stress of the tweenager won't be so bad in ten, fifteen years. Sure, a lot of our stress is related to the economy, but we can raise the next generation with the tools necessary to handle these situations.
And damn it all, I think not being afraid to snuggle up to your friends (male, female, in-between or none, gay, straight, what-have-you) regardless of closeness is probably one of the best things we could do.
And don't worry we won't be making "sissies" out of our kids.
Everyone should know how to fight and take a hit (even girls). But that comes later. Much later.
Next week, I talk about the 100 Push Ups Challenge! My successes, my failures, and how I'm proud that I'm even still talking about it instead of dropping the challenge all together.
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